Cucumbers and Condoms! This should be good
by madiSUNSUN
Summary: Darry and Soda attempt to give pony the sex talk...
1. Chapter 1

**This is a weird one. I just had an idea so yeah. Sorry if the grammars bad. Story starts a little bit before the book. So here goes nothing….**

**Darry's POV:**

I watched as Ponyboy ran back and forth from the bathroom to his bedroom getting ready for school. I glanced at the clock. "Hurry it up Pony you don't have all day!" Steve and Soda were still shoveling down breakfast. "You too Soda!"

"I'm moving I'm moving."

I sat down on the couch and picked up the paper. I started to think about Pony's birthday it was coming up in a few weeks. He was going to be 14. I remember when I was 14. It was good year. I got my first girlfriend that year. Martha Jane was her name or maybe it was Sandra Stevens I don't remember. The only thing I remember was when I told my dad and he decided it was good time to give me the "sex talk." God, that was awkward. I had come home from school that day all excited because I had a football game that night. _**(Flashback….) **_

"Hey Darrell, how was your day?"

"Good I have a game tonight you going to be there?"

"Yeah sure will son, say I got something to talk to you about."

"Oh okay, what is it?"

"Well ummm….err…son you know how and your friend that's a girl are going to that dance at your school well umm… you see hold on a sec okay I'll be right back."

I just sat there kind of confused at what was going on. My dad came back with a brown paper bag. He pulled out a cucumber and box of something but I couldn't tell what it was. "Darrell do you know what this is?" He said as he pulled out a condom out the box I was mortified. And yes he made me put the condom on the cucumber and it followed with a long talk about sex and STD's. Let's just say my face turned red for at least a few months every time I saw him. _**(End of flashback)**_

I wonder if Pony ever got the sex talk from dad. I know Soda did because I walk in on them when they were talking about it. I don't think Pony ever did. I know it's embarrassing as hell but it stopped me from making mistakes like getting a girl pregnant or something. Maybe I should talk to him about it. I could have Soda talk to him about their much closer after all. Yet I trust myself more than I trust Soda. I could talk to him it shouldn't be that hard. When would I do it? Pony's smarter than I was he would probably pick up on it and run if sat him down in the living room. Plus the gangs always here, there wouldn't be a time that it was just me and him. He's fast I wouldn't be able to catch him if he ran for it. Probably be best if I strapped him in moving vehicle first. Yeah I could pick him up from track practice or something. "Hey Pone do you have track practice today?"

"Yeah why?"

"Oh umm cause I can pick you up today."

"That's okay Darry I promised Johnny that we could go see a movie after school so he's just going to stay at the track till I'm done then we'll walk."

Damn how was I going to get that kid alone! I guess I'll just have Soda talk to him tonight. I'm sure he could handle it just fine. Just then Johnny walked in the door and Pony grabbed his bag and said his goodbyes to us and walked out of the house. Steve was still eating and Soda was rushing around the house. "Hey Soda can I talk to you for a sec?" Soda came out from the room. "Yeah sure what."

"You know how Pony's turning 14 soon."

"Yeah what about it."

"Well I was wondering if you could talk to him."

"About what?"

"You know what dad talked to you about when you were 13."

"Oh you mean sex and stuff."

"Umm… yeah I mean sex and STD's and all that."

"Yeah sure no problem." He said smiling. "Why can't you do it?"

"I well I don't know you are closer and stuff."

"Don't sweat it."

"So the kids finally hit puberty huh?" Steve chirped in. "Thought he never was going to."

"Never was going to what?" It was Pony's voice. Mine and Soda's heads shot up towards the door. Pony had just opened it. "Pony what are doing here? Are you supposed to be at school?" Darry snapped.

"I forgot one of my folders and never was going to what?" He said as he picked up a blue folder from the kitchen table.

"Nothing Pone don't worry about out." Soda said quickly.

"Whatever… See ya later guys." He looked confused but walked out the door.

"See ya." We all mumbled after him.

"We better get going." Soda said and pulled Steve out the door. I got up and went to work hoping Soda would get the damn talk over with.


	2. Soda's attempt 1

**Okay so I had to update this I just couldn't wait!**

**Soda's POV:**

I had gotten home a little late tonight because Mr. Rodgers my boss made me stay to fix this car's brakes. I had got in just as Darry was making dinner. "Hey Soda don't forget to talk to pony tonight about you know what." He had told me. Darry was embarrassed when it came to sex but I wasn't. I was totally okay with having this conversation with Pony. I walked into the room Pony was on the bed reading some book. "Hey Pony can we talk?" I said grinning. He looked up at me.

"Umm….sure." He said cautiously. I could tell he was suspicious. I smiled and whipped out a cucumber. "What do you think this is?"

"A cucumber."

"Wrong, let's pretend it's your thing."

"What?" he coughed out. "My what? Soda that is a cucumber."

"I know what it is, let's just pretend it's your junk, okay." I smiled while he tried to figure out what was going on. As soon as he was a good shade of red I began. "Alright, Ponyboy so like I said this cucumber is your thing and this is…?" I asked holding a condom in his face. He turned an even brighter shade of red. I waited for a few moments then realized he might not know what this is. I sighed, "Do you know what this is?" He shook his head. "This is a condom Ponyboy." He nodded quickly. "You put the condom on the cucumber okay." He nodded. "Now when you have sex….."

"I'm not having this conversation!" He interrupted me.

"Pony you need to know this, so put it on the cucumber!"

He grabbed the cucumber and snapped it half. He buried his face in the pillow. I was shocked. I sighed. "Ponyboy…"

"I said no I'm not having this conversation!"

I sighed and walked out into the living room. Darry looked up at me. "How did it go?" I held up the now broken cucumber. "I knew something like this was going to happen." He muttered.

"Maybe you should go talk to him."

"I'll talk to him but not right now I'll let him recover from that talk you gave him."

I laughed it was pretty funny wasn't it. I still don't get why he snapped the cucumber in half but whatever.

**Ponyboy's POV:**

**The next day….**

I woke up with the sun shining down on my face. I sat up and looked around. Soda wasn't on his side of the bed. Thank God! That was so awkward last night. I was still confused about the whole conversation. Why someone would put a condom on a cucumber was beyond me. I got up and got dressed. Darry and Soda sitting at the kitchen table. Not wanting to be cornered I grabbed some food and ate it quickly in the kitchen then grabbed my school stuff. "I have to…err… go to school early to take a quiz so tell Johnny, ok?" I told Darry and Soda who were looking at me weirdly. "Ok, but do you have track practice again tonight?" Darry asked.

"Yeah I do…." As soon as I said it I realized what I did. I just gave Darry an opportunity to talk to me about stuff. "Good cause I'm going to pick you up today." Shit…. Why the hell did I say yes! "Oh okay." I barely squeaked out before running out the door.


	3. Darry's talk

**Okay so here's the last of it! Hope you like it!**

**Ponyboy's POV:**

You know those rare days when you hope school goes by really slowly. Like when you have a test or speech last hour or your older brother is going to try to give you the sex talk. Yeah, today is one of those days except I don't have a speech or a test. I am not looking forward to the end of the day. I watched the clock intensely internally begging it to slow down. I died on the inside when the bell rang. I walked slowly out to the track for practice. I ran a few laps. Running helped me calm down. "Alright that's it for today boys. Don't forget we have a meet on Saturday be there!" Coached shouted at us. I went to the locker room and changed. I began to trudge towards the front of the building where I knew there was an old ford truck with my brother sitting in it. I panicked slightly and tried to think of ways to escape. I could run but then Darry would kill me. I sighed there was no way I could avoid this. Soda and Darry would just sneak attack me if I did.

**Darry's POV: **

Dammit where are you Ponyboy? I looked at the clock. His practice ended ten minutes ago. I didn't really want to talk to him about it either but still it had to done. I wonder how much he knows? Actually I don't really want to know how much he knows.

**Ponyboy's POV:**

I get to the door and slowly push it open. I walked out to the truck and took a deep breath and opened it. I hop in and try to act as if nothing's wrong. Darry looks at me. "How was your day?" He asks.

"Fine." I mumbled quietly. He starts the car and starts driving.

"So uhhh… Pony umm Soda talked to you about something last night."

I cringed. "Yup."

"And well he told me how it went and I think me and you have to have a conversation about it."

"I don't." I said sarcastically.

"Well anyway pony when a man and a women love each other very much…"

"God kill me know!" I interrupted him.

"Pony its natural to feel embarrassed about things like this but you have to know this." I sighed and he looked at me and took in a deep breath. "Pony do you what sex is?" I cringed again.

"I'm 14 aren't I."

"Yeah but can you explain to me what you think it is?"

"No, no I can not."

"Alright then just sit there and listen to me."

Darry went on and on for what seemed like hours but was really only 5 minutes. My face was bright red. I tried to think about other things. I thought about track and my homework until…. "Pony! Are you listening to me?"

"Huh, oh uhhh yeah."

"So do you know how to properly use a condom?"

"Umm…" I thought for a moment no I didn't really know how. "No" I said quietly.

"Okay well let's try it out." He said and chucked a cucumber and a condom. He talked me through it and once I was done. I held it up. "Good, now you can keep it if you want." I shook my head and hurled out the window. We arrived at our house. He stopped the car. "Pony if you have questions or need stuff or something which god forbid I hope you don't need anything you can always ask me or Soda." I nodded and started to get out of the truck. "One more thing Ponyboy." I turned and looked at him. "Don't go get laid now that you know what that means okay."

"Don't worry." I said and hopped out of the truck. He smiled and followed me inside. Soda was sitting on the couch and Steve was sitting on the ground. "Hey pone how was track?" He asked and smiled up at me. "Fine."

"That's good."

"How was the sex talk kid?" Steve asked staring up at me with a smile implanted in his face.

I shook my head and started to walk towards the kitchen. Just then I heard feet on the porch. Tw-bit burst through the door. "Look what I found!" he help up a cucumber with a condom around it. Steve and Soda were rolling around on the floor laughing. Darry was laughing to. "I think that belongs to Pony." Steve said and pointed at me. Two-bit looked at me confused. "No it doesn't." I choked but my voice cracked really badly. They all started laughing and rolling around on the floor. I hate puberty! Darry rolled his eyes. "Soda are you making dinner?

"Huh oh yeah I am."

"What are we havin'? I asked.

"Guess." He choked out between laughs. I shrugged.

He laughed and said "Salad."

**So that's it, let me know what you think!**


End file.
